by Phoebe
Every Chinese New Year, there is the concept of “除旧迎新” or springcleaning where one puts away the old things so that there is room to welcome the new things. In Christianity, there is a similar belief where Apostle Paul calls believers to forget what is behind and press toward what is ahead (Philippians 3:13).
There is more urgency for me to pack this Chinese New Year as Jon and I are preparing to move back to Thailand in August this year. For almost ten years, I had left things at my parents’ place since I moved out to live in Thailand in 2013 and eventually married in 2018. It is time for me to stop taking up too much space at my parents’ place! Another reason why I am motivated to pack comes from a scenario in my head where I have died and my loved ones whom I leave behind have to deal with my possessions. I certainly don’t want them to be burdened! Being the ‘responsible’ me, I conscientiously clear my things whenever I can.
Springcleaning this time round feels more difficult. Is it because I have aged? Or has my emotional capacity dwindled after experiencing so many moves? I had previously cleared out quite a bit of stuff and now I am left with two full shelves of items. Going through the shelves brought back many fond memories from my past – childhood hobbies, letters from friends, souvenirs from travels, interests in the German language, Malay language, China’s geography, and reading for general knowledge. The things remind me of my keen interest to learn new things and explore new places, which I don’t seem to have as much now, perhaps due to the process of adulting. Sorting through the things made me so sentimental that I kept thinking about the items for many days and nights, regretting my decision to give or throw them away. Packing is mostly emotionally for me as each item brings back memories and it is hard to decide whether to keep it. I don’t enjoy going through my old things, although it is necessary as part of moving.
Can we indeed strain ahead to the future when we hold these memories which are attached to material things?
The truth is, I never looked at these things when I moved to Thailand; I had left them in the shelves for over a decade. I don’t have any use for them anymore. But bringing these items out brought back so many memories, so precious, that throwing them away almost feels like throwing away these memories.
The words of Amy Young, a missionary who had gone through several cross-cultural transitions, resonate so much with me. Amy reflected in her book “Looming Transition” that her things
“brought back parts of my life journey and I wept at the thought of throwing them away. Without them, what will remind me of those times and places? As you can see, I have been a bit too existential and dramatic in my thinking … a little too concerned about, well, frankly, me. I know we all want to live, and even leave behind us lives of significance. In packing up, leaving, and getting settled again, I am struck by the places I have overtly and secretly hidden where I get my significance and security. Sadly it isn’t as consistently in the One who will never change as I would like.”
Yes, sadly, I have been too self-focused about my own seasons in life, and too melodramatic about my own existence and memories, that I forgot that all those times in my life, God have been in them. Of course it’s not true that throwing away the items is throwing away my memories; I can hold on to these memories believing that God had been with me in each experience. Surely I should be thanking God for all those wonderful past memories and recognising that He has the grace to grant me a new season in life. Keeping and leaving behind these past memories open up the space for me to enjoy the present and look forward to the future. The same God who was present in the past will work in the present and the future.
In Philippians 4:14, Apostle Paul not only tells believers strain ahead, but to do so for the heavenward prize for which God has called him in Christ Jesus. This is what I should look forward to, to be in the eternal presence of God and not let material things hold me back in living out the life that He has planned for me. In the lyrics of the song “I Say Yes” by Awaken Generation:
“Yes to leaving everything behind
Yes to forsaking every want and right
Yes to living out the sum of Your desires
I say yes, I say yes”
Jon and Phoebe's thetomyumkongs journey. 